Lost

I know I have lost something. As soon as I realized I missed my home, I realized I lost something. But the thing is I don’t know what I lost. As days passed by, I slowly started to think what I lost. In pursuit of my lost, I guess I lost myself.

Some of you may disagree to this, but I had been very innocent. I mentioned that in the past tense because I believe I’m not anymore. I never noticed anyone who took advantage of it. That may be a part of my innocence, but I never really cared. I was a person who can be easily cheated. But, when days passed by and I gathered some experience. I decided to build an inner wall that I should not allow anyone other than a few who I trusted. But, when the trusted soul betrayed, I felt like I’m a fool again. I am not good in judging people. But, it turns out that I’m very bad in judging itself.

I am a reader. I love to read books. I even used to pre-order a book that was yet to be released. But then, shortly I realized I haven’t been reading books for atleast 4 or 5 months. I have been watching series or movies all the time that I’m awake. I used to call my home atleast once in a week. These days, the weeks turned out to be months. I am far away from the real ‘me’ – who was more active and enthusiastic.

I stopped thinking about the present and looked back – I realized the main thing I’d been missing – the books. It made me realize more things that I loved earlier were forgotten. I am still in search of the old Balaji who everyone would love. I am now a kind of idiot who everyone either sees in a pity or just laughs. I’ll be back soon!